It's a Disney movie with Tia and Tamera Mowry, so, yes, it was and still is fire. But that didn't mean it was exempt from sillier scenes. Just take a moment to look through the following ridiculous moments from Twitches that your childhood self didn't even bother to question. To be fair on the Disney Channel, it was a movie about teenage witches who also happened to be twins, hardly the most scientific of topics. But it didn't help that the film's backstory was lengthy, complicated, and made little to no sense.
What exactly is this alternative dimension of Coventry meant to be? Is it in outer space or the future? And, if so, why is everyone dressed like they're in the Middle Ages? What was the point of the sun/moon symbolism, aside from dividing the twins into positive and mega sarcastic? And how did the pair manage to co-exist in the same seemingly small city for 21 years without running into each other? So many questions.
Obviously, the film is delightful and its sweet, bumbling comedy makes up for the vast array of plot holes. But if you're looking for a movie that ties up all of its loose ends, Twitches ain't it.
1
What Sweet Hell Is This Backstory?
Disney-ABC Domestic Television
Two baby twin girls, born on Halloween in the magical kingdom of Coventry. One has a link with the sun, the other with the moon. It is foretold that they will rescue Coventry from The Darkness. Usually a backstory acts to explain things, but this one just leaves the viewer with so many questions that they can barely breathe: why is the magical kingdom named after a boring town in England? Isn't it overcooking the narrative omelette to have the babies be both born on Halloween and with each having a mystical connection with the sun and moon? Who delivered this prophecy? And what, or who, is The Darkness? The mind reels.
2
If The Prophecy Says That The Twin Girls Will Rescue Coventry Together, Why Do The Queen's Servants Separate The Babies?
Disney-ABC Domestic Television
Seriously, though. The prophecy makes it sound like the Twitches can only rescue Coventry together. So why do they get placed in two entirely different homes? Doesn't that mean more work on guarding them from the forces of evil?
3
Why Didn't Alex & Camryn's Adoptive Parents Have Questions About The Sun & Moon Necklaces?
Disney-ABC Domestic Television
Adoption isn't like buying a box of cereal; you don't usually get a free gift with your baby. So, it's weird and inexplicable how both twins seem to have necklaces from Coventry and this isn't ever remarked on.
4
Why Did Camryn's Parents Decide To Adopt A Child While They Were In Their Teens?
Disney-ABC Domestic Television
This may have never occurred to you as a child, but the fact that there doesn't seem to be more than a decade and a half between Camryn and her adoptive parents now seems ridiculous. More compelling than teen witches is the question of why this cute couple were so set on adopting a baby when they were still in high school. There needs to be a spin-off movie about this.
5
Why Is Lucinda So Chill About Alex's Psychic Powers?
Disney-ABC Domestic Television
When Alex tells her friend "say hi to your mom," a second before Lucinda gets a phone call from her mother, her reaction is more of an eye roll than, "Oh my god, supernatural abilities exist and this is PROOF." Why are the non-witches in this film so relaxed about the fact that they are living with women with clearly demonstrated superhuman qualities?
6
Speaking Of Overly Relaxed Responses, What About Camryn Being Approached By Ileana?
Disney-ABC Domestic Television
When a total stranger attired in medieval garb and peak 2001 Dido hair approaches her out of the blue to gush "Oh my gosh, you are SO ready, I could just, no, but I won’t… OK good luck,” Camryn thanks her before heading into the shop without missing a beat. Wouldn't she have been intrigued enough to have at least asked Ileana what she was wishing her luck for?
7
Alex Doesn't Seem Creeped Out By These Signs
Disney-ABC Domestic Television
Alex, who is spending her 21st birthday job hunting, is gently surprised but not actively creeped out by signs appearing in a shop window that perfectly appeal to her lack of experience in the retail sector. At the point where she sees the "We're desperate" sign, it seems strange that she seems to find it weird, but not that weird.
8
Camryn & Alex See Each Other Without Picking Up On The Fact That They're Identical Twins
Disney-ABC Domestic Television
When a sales assistant gives Alex the size two dress that's meant for Camryn, Camryn comes over to retrieve it from her twin. They look right at each other for a second, but don't seem to realize that it's like looking in a mirror. Maybe you bought the scene's backstory that Alex was too busy responding to the mean shop girl as a kid, but now you've got to admit that it's downright silly.
9
The United Power Of The Twitches Holding Hands Makes Mannequins Lose Their Clothes
Disney-ABC Domestic Television
But, appropriately enough for the Disney Channel, not their underwear. Who knew mannequins wore briefs and bras under their clothing?
10
How The Heck Does The Queen Not Realize Her Second Husband Thantos Is Evil?
Disney-ABC Domestic Television
In a film that doesn't exactly skimp on clumsy symbolism (see: sun and moon necklaces), if you're wondering who the Darkness is, probably go for the guy clothed entirely in black doing sinister experiments with crystals. The fact that Miranda never figured out that her second husband was the source of the Darkness is jaw-dropping on a re-watch.
11
Why Is The Darkness So Supremely Un-Scary?
Disney-ABC Domestic Television
We've heard a lot of foreboding things about The Darkness and have been prepped to expect some sort of terrifying Voldemort-esque being. So finding out that the Twitches' ultimate enemy is just a bunch of smoke that blows up electrical devices is a little disappointing.
12
Why Is Coventry's Palace Decorated Like Glastonbury?
Disney-ABC Domestic Television
And don't even get me started on Queen Miranda's bold purple round-her-eye eyeshadow look.
13
The Big Reveal Of Thantos As The Darkness Is Too Much
Disney-ABC Domestic Television
Twist endings are fun, but this big reveal was ridiculous. Alex tries to tell her mom that she's effectively a witch from a different dimension. Her adoptive mother tells her that oh, this all sounds really familiar, because Alex used to draw pictures of "The Darkness" as a kid. That leads Alex to uncover the sketch above.
Number one, no tiny child has ever had drawing skills that good (presumably she couldn't have been older than six if she had no memory of any of this). Number two, Alex left Coventry on the day of her birth, so she would have had to have psychically intuit that Thantos was the Darkness, what the Darkness was, and comprehend enough of it all to draw it better than freshman Art majors. This all seems a lot to ask of a tiny kid.
Twitches still one of the most fun Disney Channel made-for-TV movies from the '00s. But at least part of that has to be because, not in spite of, the movie's shruggy attitude to making sense.
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